For those of you who have followed closely, you will remember I posted a few months back about a new song I had written, called "You Can't Trust a Man with an Even Tan." Through a few providential circumstances, I was able to complete the writing of the music side of it and actually debut it live in a show!
The lyrics are all listed below so you can read them and let me know what you think. I am grateful to one of my former students, and master musician/studio owner, Kenny McWilliams (of Archer Avenue Studio) for helping me complete the simple melody. But more importantly, teaching me a simple fact that I didn't know. I naturally sing in F-Sharp so if he plays the blues riff in F-sharp it sort of sounds like I am actually singing it in the correct key. Who knew?
In the past, I always let the fact that I cannot sing, or even keep time very well, prevent me from performing music in my act. I have now, officially, put all that behind me! Check out the video and lyrics below and let me know what you think.
Read on for full song lyrics as performed in this video (which was the first time the song was ever performed live.)
CHORUS: You can't trust a man with an even tan. He doesn't even look human. Really more like an alien, is any man with an even tan. -------------------------------------------
(Ladies) When you're out there looking for mister "right." Just roll up his sleeve and look for some white. If his arm's one shade, then don't be dismayed, To find, he's just trying ----- to get ... sauteed.
------------------------------------------ CHORUS: You can't trust a man with an even tan. He doesn't even look human. Really more like an alien, is any man with an even tan. ------------------------------------------
Even though the lady teachers may drool seeing even-tan man's converti-bool. All moms sitting in traffic at grade-school, Know a real man drops off 6 at car-pool.
------------------------------------------- CHORUS: Don't care if you stare at his catamaran It's impressive I understand. Remember your Uncle Stan? He had five wives and an even-tan. He had five wives and an even-tan.
CHORUS: So do trust the dude drives a mini-van He'll take you to the promised land. He don't give a hoot 'bout his tan. He's a man who drives a mini-van. --------------------------------------------
I'm a mini-van man by my own admission, I'm easy to please, won't take a magician. All my dreams will have come to fruition, When I own a Town and Country... Limited Edition.
--------------------------------------
The day finally came when I'd saved enough money to buy a mini-van for me and my honey And so I could keep up with the Jones-es, I had to have the wireless headphones-es.
Went to the dealership but got apprehensive, Because it turns out, they were really expensive. So I went online and looked on ebay, found a guy that would take what I could pay.
but on his website there was no photograph, so when he told me the color, it just made me laugh. Before I could ask, he quickly began He said it was beige... like an even-tan.
----------------------------------------- CHORUS: Yes I drive a van that's an even-tan So we've ended up where we began. That doesn't make me like your Uncle Stan. Just 'cuz my van's an even-tan.
CHORUS: I never would trust an even tan man Unless that man was Mexican Or maybe African American But not if he's Caucasian. Not if he's Caucasian.
CHORUS: You can't trust a man with an even-tan. He doesn't even look human. Really more like an alien,
Is any man Is any man Is any man with an even-
Okay I know that was horrible Stop judging me! tan.
If you missed the explanation what these post-it notes are from, it's pretty simple. My family posted these all over the house on my 40th birthday this year. They are notes letting me know about certain things my family loves about me.
Savannah loves how I can convince people to let our family do special things. At Disney, it was Walt's birthday, so I was able to talk the young assistants at the Toy Story 3-D Shooting game/ride into letting our family get in the fast-pass line even though we didn't have one. This saved us about three hours!
Walt has another thing he loves about me, which is sort of self explanatory as you read his post-it. However, I would like it noted that I have no memory of the things he is referencing in his post-it.
(Note: "Sonny" is Savannah, my 12 year old girl's, nickname around the house.)
While we are at it, instead of wasting two full blog posts on bathroom humor, I am going to go ahead and post another one of Walt's post-its in this post. I have no memory of what he is talking about in this one. I have to assume he made this memory up in his head. Enjoy.
For my 40th birthday my family put little "Post-it Notes" everywhere around my house with complimentary messages written on them. Each person used their own handwriting so each of them was obvious who it was from. Each note had a short message on it explaining something that particular person "loved" about me.
I found them to be very encouraging and interesting as they divulged information about how each person actually loves me. My nine year old boy, Walt, has an obvious love language of quality time, while my 12 year old daughter, Savannah, is more a gifts love language.
My wife's love language is words of affirmation, but it was entertaining to me to see what it was about me that she actually "loved."
I have decided to post a few of these over the next couple of weeks. Here are the first few worth discussing.
This one below is from my wife, Ashley.
I am glad to know my wife's love for me is genuine!
This one below is from Walt.
Walt loves when "I do video games with him." See how he is a quality time love language, as opposed to my daughter's below.
Savannah loves that I am "good" at video games, and Walt loves that I play the games with him.
This past Christmas we got Skyward Sword, the new Wii Zelda game and we played it as a family. Savannah enjoyed that I was talented enough to defeat the major bosses so we could proceed to the next level each time they got stuck. I think Walt just enjoyed the fact that I was playing with him!
I have a few dozen more of these and I will post them a few at a time each week.
Recently, I had the honor of watching my 12 year old daughter, Savannah, hit the game winning homerun in her last regular season fast-pitch softball game. It was after the game that I started pondering the question, How far is too far in terms of experiencing joy for your own child? My conclusion was simple. There is no such thing as too far when it concerns JOY for your own child. However, there is such a thing as being obnoxious to other children's parents, and this is where this video becomes relevant.
Take a look at the video below, and then humor me as you read my explanation as to why I THINK this video is not too far in terms of obnoxiousness toward the other team's parents. At first glance, it will seem pretty over the top and silly, but read the explanation below to understand the context.
Over the course of this particular game I made the decision to cordially talk to the opposing team's parents who sat behind the fence on the third base side because every time my daughter came to the plate I wanted to video tape from that side because she bats left-handed.
So, every thirty minutes or so, I would show up to poke my video camera into the fence to video Savannah while she batted. I made small-talk with the other parents sitting there. I found out which kids were theirs and I complimented them when those particular players did well in the game.
By the last inning those parents were expecting me to come over and tape my daughter and they were enjoying the process. They even bought into my plight and were pulling for my daughter to get a hit each time. Savannah had a good game up to the last inning so it was fun going back and forth talking with these particular parents.
Thirty minutes prior to this last at bat shown in the video I actually said to the parents sitting there that if it timed out right, Savannah's next at bat could feasibly be to win the game, and if that happened I warned them that I would lose my mind yelling for her. They laughed at this comment and sort of said something to the effect of,
If that happens, we'll understand.
(Keep in mind, I predicted this could happen while the score was 4 to 0 and Savannah was 7 batters away from batting again going into the last inning!
I have never made fun of a parent of a player who I coached who I saw going crazy when their child did something spectacular. In fact, I was probably running down the sidelines making a fool of myself following their child when it was happening!
The joy you hear in my voice during this video is joy brought about over the course of a twelve week season from dozens of conversations with my daughter about how much she actually wanted to just finally hit a home-run and knowing she never had before. It's brought about from the joy of knowing how she asked me repeatedly to take her to the field to throw batting practice to her by herself so she could learn to hit better.
This joy is coming after I sat with my daughter at the 4A Fast-Pitch State Championship game just one week earlier and watched the best softball I have ever seen played live, and heard my daughter say,
"Dad, I would never be able to hit the ball hard like these girls, because all my hits are grounders."
To which I replied,
"One day soon, honey, you will get a hit like you get in the batting cage, trust me."
This joy is completely pure. You see, unlike the parents living vicariously through their own child's experiences and never accurately judging their own child's abilities, I was not mentally running the bases with my daughter during this hit. I WAS WATCHING! I was geeking out FOR MY DAUGHTER! I was giggling inside knowing that for the rest of her life she would remember one night at North Springs Park when she hit the game winning home-run and no matter what happens after this moment, that fact will NEVER CHANGE.
Honestly, I don't even know if my daughter wants to pursue a serious softball future. I don't even care. I don't even think SHE knows. All I know is she has fun when she plays and she tries her best to do what the coaches have taught her. I know she works really hard and deserved to have good things happen to her because of that. But I also know how sports work, and they don't always reward the hard work in a proportionate way. Just because a player puts in the time and effort, especially at age 12, doesn't necessarily mean good things will come that player's way. I try and teach my kids that the hard work makes good things more likely, but it doesn't mean they are guaranteed.
I was overwhelmed with a very specific message in my head while my daughter was running the bases. That message was simply,
"She'll always have this, she'll always have this, she'll always have this."
With a small part of me thinking,
"Slide, slide, slide!"
I think that is something I think a lot of parents I see at games miss. They get so caught up in what the future may hold for their child if their child performs well, that they miss the fact that their child is actually playing the game right then in front of them!
Whether my daughter plays softball ever again or plays softball for the rest of her life, I won't care, as long as she is playing or not playing because of what SHE WANTS TO DO. But no matter what happens, I know she will always have this one night. This one night when it all came together for her like she had hoped. A night when she accomplished even more than she thought she was capable of ever doing.
As a parent you always wonder if your child gets it when it comes to complicated things like competitive sports and all the dynamics that play into that experience. I have true evidence that my Savannah gets it. In the car ride home after this game the one thing she said that made me know she gets it was this.
"Dad, when I was coming around second base and saw the ball still in the outfield and I knew I was going to get a home-run, I just started giggling and couldn't stop... like giggling out loud... like if you filmed me running, you will see me giggling."
As a parent, it's not the memory of your daughter's home-run that will last a life-time, but it's hearing your daughter tell you she was giggling uncontrollably out-loud while rounding second.
