The State Newspaper actually featured my up coming comedy show on the front page of the Life and Times Section.

I think it was because ...

I finally went ahead and hyped up the "Former Gamecock" part of the biography when I submitted the event. The past three shows I have submitted the same exact way, but this time I actually put "Former Gamecock has comedy show coming up..."

I may feel like a prostitute, but at least maybe I will get the benefit of it!


The Double :: Explained

Sunday, August 16, 2009 0 comments
After Samkon Gado scored on his 77 yard touchdown scamper this past Friday, it was asked of him, "Where did that 'juke' come from?"

Evidently, his high school coach taught him. Oh wait, that's me!
From the St. Louis Today website. (
For another, how about that juke he put on Jets safety James Ihedigbo?

"I gave him an old move that my high school coach taught me called 'the double,' " Gado said.

When asked about the move, Gado said: "You can't describe it. You're just going to have to see it, I guess."

Suffice it to say "the double" was a shake-and-bake move by Gado, who looks bigger and burlier than his listed roster weight of 227 pounds. The move helped Gado record the Rams' longest run from scrimmage in exhibition play since the move to St. Louis in 1995 — a period encompassing 58 games.
Samkon Gado is an awesome dude. One of the greatest kids to ever get to coach for sure. Here is one of the reasons. He was humble enough to give his former coaches credit for a move he pulled in the 77 yard run.

Robbie Hardy and I spent the whole summer of 1998 studying game film. One that struck me was a the national championship game of Nebraska vs. Florida. Then, freshmen, Ahman Green put a nasty move on a linebacker. I watched in slow motion, and started realizing this was the move that every great "scat-type" back used.

We had no other name for it but "The Double." The reason it's called the double is because you fake one way, and then end up going that way. So you fake to your left, then go right, WAIT, back left again.

The key to the move though is actually stopping your progress forward. We watched tape of Barry Sanders too. He was doing more like "quadruples" but the principle remained the same. Travel full speed forwards, pause, shake-and-bake, then proceed.

I always assumed these types of moves were born inside the great runners of our time, however, we discovered, this simple little glide step "double" can be effectively taught to kids with all ranges of athletic abilities. It was Hardy that really decided to teach it with full gusto. I confess, I only thought it was worth teaching to Sam. Before too long, every kid, even the Jay-Vee kids were yelling in the hallway at school, "Hey Coach, watch my double..."

It sure is fun watching a kid who deserves every bit of the success he has achieved, actually get the chance in life to be in a position to be granted the opportunity this sentence sure made sense in my head before typing it?? 

Sam, we all love you and appreciate you.

Go Rams!

I know this has nothing to do wtih Adventures with Marty -- but in a way it does! Come to a show and hear a great story about how I inadvertently danced with a pregnant woman during one of Samkon's Touchdown runs in 2005!

(For those that don't know, Samkon Gado played football at the school where I coached for 7 seasons.)

The State Newspaper article printed some of my quotes. I am very appreciative for their support and the opportunity to be represented in the article. Out of the sheer necessity of space, some of my comments were shortened or edited. I have provided some context to those quotes, in case there is any confusion or controversy surrounding them.

Here is summary of the quotes used with more context provided for clarity.

Quote #1
“If everybody thinks we’re just a bunch of redneck idiots, I tell them they shouldn’t judge the redneck idiot before they get to know him,” said Marty Simpson, a Columbia resident who plays comedy clubs when not running a Web production company. “Those redneck idiots are some of my favorite people in the world.”

What I said before saying
"those redneck idiots are some of my favorite people in the world"
was sort of relevant to the full understanding of the comment.

I mentioned to the reporter (but it was edited out due to length issues I am sure) how when I was first married, my wife and I lived in Forest Acres, an area in Columbia that is not typically associated with redneck stereotypes. (Other stereotypes maybe, but not country-boy redneck ones.)

Back then I owned a 1970 Buick that I had to add lead to the gasoline. It got 4 miles to the gallon and wouldn't start on days when it rained. (This was 1995.) In three years living there, my car broke down at least a dozen times. Not one time while in Forest Acres, did anyone ever stop to help me out.

We then moved to West Columbia, an area that is stereotypically more "redneck." I lived there for 3 three years and EVERY time (out of 10 or 11) my car broke down, at least two or three folks stopped to offer help in the way of rides or even mechanical help with the car itself.

I then said,
"No matter who those folks voted for, or what they do in their private lives, when my car is broken down...Those redneck 'idiots' are some of my favorite people in the world."
I wanted anyone reading these comments to have the full context about them before they passed judgement on me for using the term redneck generally.

Quote #2
Recently, however, Sanford’s MIA-turned-love scandal forced Simpson to delve into state politics. He notes that Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent more than $40,000 on call girls before his resignation in 2008, but Sanford tacked his liaison in Argentina onto a state economic development trip, at a cost of only $3,300.

“Sanford got 10 times the media frenzy for one-tenth of the cost. That’s fiscally conservative,” Simpson said.
I would like it noted, mostly by anyone that books comedians for the governor's mansion events, that I did differentiate the reimbursements the governor made out of his own pocket to the reporter, and they were omitted. Also, this comment is a paraphrase of my comments in general. The entire premise for what I was making light of can be read here > ( Article Elaborated Upon.)

Quote #3
Simpson laughed at Stewart’s routine.

“I had comedian jealousy,” he said. “I wish I could be the ‘Daily Show’ correspondent in South Carolina.”

He’d like to show that people from the state are smart enough to laugh at themselves.

“Some of the time,” Simpson admitted, “South Carolina deserves to be made fun of.”
I know this is nit-picky, but I technically said,
"I had comedian-envy..."
Which I point out simply because I think it's funnier.

More to the point of the last paragraph of comments. At some point South Carolina, we all have to give up the hope for a better yesterday...seriously! For the record, I am a loyal Gamecock Fan, and Carolina Supporter. Anyone that would like to question that in person, I recommend you doing so in person at one of my shows! Check the website calendar for the next one coming up in Columbia.

Recently, our fine city's local newspaper called me for a few comments about the wave of jokes being made against our state and governor. I had a long telephone interview and a few of my comments were published in the final article. Those comments may be read here -- (For bonus comments not published in the article click here.)

I wanted to give a full blog entry concerning my printed comments, as Mr. Holleman only had so many words he was allotted for the story, and understandably some of my comments were shortened or edited.

Basically, this blog entry is my full summary of the interview, written in essay form.

My Thoughts About Our Governor's Recent Actions

I am sure that South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, had aspirations of removing, once and for all, any negative stigma from our state's tarnished reputation. He sure seemed like he was going to be the leader to change all this.

For those that thought being the brunt of the nation's jokes about our state and our Governor was a bad thing, I am here to point out and illuminate for you all, the silver lining.

That silver lining consists of two main parts. One, the distractions Governor Sanford's actions now create, make the normal skeletons in South Carolina's closet less noticeable, and, two, the recent actions of the governor prove that his fiscal responsibility is no longer debatable.

The silver linings in the distractions Governor Sanford has caused are obvious. Now, instead of being known as the second dumbest state (Special thanks to Mississippi), or being the tobacco state, or the civil-rights-ignoring-confederate-flag-state (Again, thanks Mississippi), at least now we have a legitimate sex-scandal on our hands. (And I probably shouldn't say "on our hands.") So now we will be the "Governor has an Argentinian Lover State!!" That's way better than racist, right? The Governor has brought on real change!

In addition to the deliberate distraction tactic, I think the Governor's latest antics are just his way of trying to keep up with the New Yorks and other bigger states, you know? (See Eliot Spitzer.)

I applaud Governor Sanford's efforts as unorthodox as they may be. But to equate paying $5,000 for a high-end prostitute, like in Eliot Spitzer's case, to our governor's love story for the ages is sort of unfair. You see, it overlooks the obvious non-hypocritical stance our Governor took toward fiscal responsibility.

Our Governor is the governor that recently refused 700 million dollars of the federal bailout money unless he could use that money to pay down the state's debt. (This decision would be overturned in Congress.)

His latest "media purchase" proves he is much more fiscally minded than Spitzer. Our Governor has only paid, as of today, $3,300 for this whole deal. AND our governor reimbursed these expenses out of his own pocket! (A pocket filled by the loyal tax-payers of South Carolina who provide his salary, but who's counting?)

New York's governor paid upwards of $40,000. Our Governor created 10 times the media frenzy at one-tenth the cost!

I call that fiscal responsibility.

In fact, to some fiscal-a-phytes, it could appear that our governor is just showing off.

Special Note: Had the king of pop, Michael Jackson, not passed away the day after Governor Sanford's confession, he would have created 100 times the frenzy of Spitzer! That's pennies on the dollar. Some might say about Sanford's fiscal responsibility, "You cannot Beat-It, Beat-It, Beat-It... Beat-It, Beat-It, Beat-It...

I am sure that my comments will be taken out of context, and I will be made a fool of, too, just like our Governor. Although technically, I am not calling the Governor a fool. I am just pointing out that lots of people may have called him one, and they might have done so after being given only a narrow sliver of the facts. Give or take the 20,000 or so e-mails on public record. And "narrow sliver" is not to be confused with "silver" as in "silver lining."

Either way, if I bring the great state of South Carolina as much national media as our governor has brought, then we are all the better for it! (At least I am the better for it!)

So, with all this being said, I would officially like to thank the Governor for proving his credibility on fiscal responsibility and for giving comedians all over the country an actual reason to overlook some of the skeletons in South Carolina's closet. (Again, see Strom's kids, racism, segregation, civil-rights, tobacco, the chicken-curse, etc...)

As to any early aspirations of the Governor Sanford's political campaign to remove the stigma that looms over South Carolina in the national media, the only phrase that comes to mind is,


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