He waits until about two hours after South Carolina has lost a game (like the Auburn game this year) and then he sends you a text message with two simple words, "Y'all Win?"
The simplistic elegance of this is wonderful. He knows the outcome has already been decided and he knows you know too, but he pretends for the time being to have "not gotten the score" and texts you with the question, "Y'all Win?" The beauty of this is that I know full well he checks the South Carolina scores on his iPhone and keeps up with the Gamecock games to the minute. So getting a text from him two hours after the game that says, "Y'all win?" is like him saying to me, "I know you guys lost, but I am willing to be a complete jack-leg just to make you laugh."
If you are reading this and judging him for his jerkiness, I suggest you try it the next time Clemson loses and test how good it makes you feel. Maybe after the ACC Championship game. Wait about an hour or two after the results are in and then text your best Clemson friend with two simple words... "Y'all Win?" Thank me later.
From coach to comedian: Marty Simpson is a former USA Today high school All-American and collegiate Academic All-Conference player for USC who scored the Gamecocks' first 6 points in the SEC. During 8 years as a high school varsity coach, Simpson led his team to the state finals and saw one player advance to set an NFL rookie record. Simpson now divides his time between his family, running a multimedia company named Blue-Eyed Panda and getting the same pre-game jitters by performing stand-up comedy nationwide.
Check out Marty's performance dates here.
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