BLOG TOPICS::

I Get Paid More than Money...

Monday, March 04, 2013 1 comments
Sometimes when a comedian performs, he gets an additional payment he wasn't counting on. For example, I always take the free food offered by a venue. That way I feel like I got paid more. You know? And honestly, if it saves a 15 dollar tab at a place for wings and cheese sticks, it actually is like getting paid more.

One church I recently performed at took this to an entirely new level.  When I was on my way to the car, this nice lady asked if I wanted to take some left over red velvet cake with me. Out of habit, I blurted out, "Of course."

Below is what she came back with from the kitchen. And yes... yes I ate it all on the four hour drive home... in fifteen minute increments.




So I Started Working Out...

Monday, February 25, 2013 0 comments
So I recently started working out. After many months of doing the same work-out (pictured below) with no results, I decided to start really working out.

 

When I walk and jog, I really start sweating. This caused me to start a new blog topic... "What Marty's Sweat Blots Look Like."

I see a koala bear. Let me know if you disagree.


 Look for the new series... "Marty's Sweat Blots," coming soon.

 .

My Live Tweet of the Grammys 2013

Wednesday, February 13, 2013 0 comments

This page will take a while to load completely. Be patient, please.

I love me a good live event awards show! I usually take to Twitter during them, so if you get notifications on my Twitter account, I apologize!

Below is a highlight recap of some of what I tweeted during the show. Each tweet has some explanation, or a picture, or a video to put it in context. Keep in mind, each tweet was done live during the event. (The times on the twitter archive are off by 7 hours because of Twitter's archive service not being in the same time zone that I am in.)

They are chronological starting with the earliest tweets and going to the latest.














Tweet as Carly Rae Jepsen was recognized as the singer for "Call Me Maybe."









Scroll down in the frame to watch Adele's speech.













Tweeted as I watched Fun perform their song, "Carry On." Special effects included live rain on them while they performed... seriously. The video below should start right at the raining. If not, scrub to the 2:30 mark.
















This was tweeted as I watched the below performance by the amazing Mumford and Sons. Skip to 2 minutes into it right where their heads start bobbing (It should automatically.) Or listen to an amazing song by Mumford and Sons.








The genius producers of the Grammys hyped Johnny Depp for over an hour. Literally every bounce to commercial started with, "And coming up, Johnny Depp to introduce Mumford and Sons."

Below is his entire appearance on the Grammys. It's only 19 seconds. Nothing else.

And I have two words for you Mr. Depp, "CUFF LINKS."







For some reason the Grammy producers thought it would be cool to start Timberlake's performance in black and white. I guess because it's a throw-back song. I tweeted this after Jay-Z took the stage.














To all my followers who have notifications turned on for me, I apologize for my Grammy bananza. Just know, I only really do this on live event award shows, and things like the Super Bowl. So you can turn your turn notifications back on... at least until the Oscars.








This was just as simple obversation from a Les Mis die hard fan! Below is my own version of One Day More, filmed with my brother and life-long friend, Will Hall, circa 1991.








This one is pretty self explanatory I think.









Noteworthy: This applies to comedians as well. Just ask @AKLAUGHS.





I heard these guys doing this song and just assumed it was named "No Church in a While." Turns out, it's "No Church in the Wild." Who knew? Not me.







This was the stand-out moment for me. Jay-Z made me laugh out loud when he said this into the mic in front of eveyrone about dude's hate shown below.
Image goes here.







Turns out this is a Bud Light commercial theme. Apologies to Bud folks. Here is a Youtube video of an example of one of them. I think the Sitar guy could be a subject of one of these, and I'm serious.








This one is also self-explanatory. This commercial creeps me out. The only way it could be worse is if Charlie Sheen were still on CBS.






I couldn't find a picture of this, but if you saw it you know what I mean.






If you don't understand this one, ask your black friend to explain it to you. I realize he may not be with you right now while you read this, but when you see him next time at work... ask him.






It was just always funny to me that after a person completely murdered their number, they were usually forced to then introduce someone joining them who was a much bigger star. Was it just me?






Tweeted this one during Jack White's performance.







The dude who won "BEST NEW ARTIST" literally said the phrase, "We've been doing this 12 years, so thanks!"






My daughter would not appreciate me making fun of One Direction, so I'll just leave this one alone. You can judge it on face value in the picture below.








This one should be self-explanatory. If not, google the phrase "Kanye and Taylor Swift."






When Prince announced the winners they acted more excited to shake Prince's hand than they did win the Grammy.






Just an actual observation.






All-time worst Grammy moment. The idea that this now shows up in a Youtube search next to "Tom Hanks Winning Oscar for Forrest Gump" just makes me sad.






Also, the internet is all a blaze with posts about how bad he sung the song. I am not referring to that at all. I'm talking about a dude singing a song to Forrest Gump. Seriously?

Here it is, if you can stand it.








Another self-explanatory one, I hope.






Video below which inspired the above tweet. Skip forward to minute 3:40 to see what I was talking about (If it doesn't automatically.)







Except during The Oscars... The Emmys... The Golden Globes... and probably The Super Bowl.



During this time of year everyone wants to make predictions on who will win the Super Bowl. I am here to tell you, that this year's Super Bowl champions will be the San Francisco Forty-Niners. The reason is simple. They are the only team left in the play-offs that has stripes down the middle of their helmets.

Here are some stats to prove my point. In the 46 Super Bowls that have been played thus far, 38 of them have been won by teams with stripes down the middle of their helmets. Only 8 times has a team won the Super Bowl and not had stripes down the middle of their helmet. New England won 3 of those 8, but oddly enough, all 3 of those victories came against other teams without stripes down the middle of their helmets. New England has NEVER beaten a team with a stripe down the middle of their helmet in the Super Bowl.

I don't count the Carolina Panthers as a striped helmet team since their double stripe doesn't connect all the way to the back of their helmet. (However, it's noteworthy to say that Denver does count. The difference for Denver is that their stripe does connect in the back and their original helmets had stripes before converting to the newer updated helmet which won them two Super Bowls. Also, counting Denver in the striped category helps my argument!)

There have been 20 Super Bowls which matched up one team with a striped helmet and one team without stripes. Only 3 of those 17 games have been won by the non-striped helmet team. The Chicago Bears beat the Patriots (in the old Patriot uniform which had stripes,) the Ravens beat the Giants, and the Bucs beat the Raiders. The 5 other times a non-striped helmet team has won the Super Bowl, it was versus another non-striped helmet team. St. Louis beat the Titans, The Patriots beat the Panthers, the Rams, and the Eagles, and the Chiefs beat the Vikings.

There are 11 franchises in NFL history who's teams have won more than one Super Bowl. Guess how many of those 11 franchises have stripes down the middle of their helmets. The answer is 10. Only the New England Patriots have won more than one Super Bowl AND had a helmet without stripes down the middle.

So you see, if you want to win the Super Bowl, the first thing you should do, is put at least one stripe down the middle of your helmet. And actually, stats would say to put only 1 stripe, since the Pittsburgh Steelers have won the most Super Bowls, with six, and they sport one thin yellow stripe down the middle. However, the teams who have won four or five each have three stripes. The 49ers and Cowboys each have five wins, and the Giants and Packers each have four.

The bottom line is the San Francisco 49ers are destined to win this year's Super Bowl since they are the only team left in the playoffs with stripes on their helmet. Especially if they go on to defeat the Falcons and play the Patriots. Remember, the Patriots have NEVER beaten a team with stripes all the way down the middle of their helmets in the Super Bowl. The Ravens have though, so if we see the 49ers play the Ravens, this game could prove to be an interesting match-up. (To say nothing to the fact that it would be the first time in NFL history that brothers squared off against each other as head coaches in the Super Bowl. Hey John, here's some advice... put stripes on your helmet before Super Bowl Sunday!)



| | edit post

Receive Blog Updates via E-mail

To be notified automatically via email
when my blog has been updated
enter your email address: